Marriage-Is-Hard-Work

Just look at that photo. Shaun and I were married September 2, 2000. We were both 21 at the time, Shaun just barely 21. We thought we world by the short and curlies, nothing could touch us, we would feel like we felt at that moment forever. Now 9+ years later, I see the reality of marriage as it really is, it's damn hard work. We have had our fair share of ups and downs, but we have always managed to figure things out. We fight, just like every other couple on the planet, but we always manage to make up and get over it. I think the key to this is that we have a unique friendship, therefore leading to a unique relationship. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that we don't know about each other. This is essential in making any marriage work. Lies or secrets kept from your spouse can lead to a deterioration of your life together. I speak from personal experience, I almost let it happen to me. For all the good and all the bad, I would not trade my husband for all the money in the world. But, as I've said, marriage is hard work.

Sometimes, one or the other of us is having a particularly trying day. Everything the other says is wrong or stupid or irrelevant, there's nothing you can do that is right, you feel like you have to walk on egg shells, it's frustrating. The key is, you can't take it all to heart. People have bad days, and so what if you were the one to take the brunt of it. I have had just as many bad days, if not more, as my husband, if that is grounds for divorce then, we might very well not be together anymore. Fortunately, that is not the case. Sure we can get on each others nerves, but I can do that with just about anybody. You just can't let your anger ferment, if you have a problem, talk about it and if that leads to an argument, well then, so be it. It does not mean you love each other less. It means you don't want to carry that anger around with you until you explode, and explosions are much more harmful to a marriage than a simple argument.

I think this is one of the problems with quite a few marriages today. Fortunately, neither Shaun nor I are afraid to express our opinions to each other. I am very grateful for this facet of our relationship. I am not really one to talk a bunch (imagine that), but I know I can talk to my husband whenever I need to. He does not judge me, think less of me, or resent me for anything I say. He actually appreciates when I open up and talk to him. Keeping things that are bothering you to yourself can put a strain on your marriage. Talking eases that strain, which you can feel like an electric spark coming from your spouse,and you are allowed to move on with your day unburdened by it. I am not saying that every little thing you talk about should wind up in an argument. A simple discussion usually suffices much better, and often prevents one or the other from getting their feelings hurt, as sometimes happens in arguments. Now, on the other hand, not all arguments are bad, sometime you need to lay it all out on the table, no holds barred. Just watch what you say, because you can really hurt someone with your words, and that hurt is like a scar and is almost never forgotten.

Sometimes, either things you do or arguments you have can severely affect your marriage. to a degree that sometimes lead down the road to divorce. These are things I know about firsthand. It is completely essential to look back at what you have said or done and be willing to admit to yourself what you did wrong, what you said wrong and so on. Here again, talking is the key, you must be willing to apologize from the depths of your soul and in return listen to your spouse when he or she expresses why or how they were hurt. You also have to be willing to accept the "wounded dog theory". Your spouse may take a day or two to lick their wounds, sometimes longer depending on the degree in which you hurt your spouse. You cannot allow that anger you, as it will almost always lead to another fight, and then the healing may never take place.